The Retirement Game

Last week I filled in on Phil's team, a Men's League game. For some inexplicable reason they put me at third base. 3rd is known as "the Hot Corner" for the large number of screaming line drives that make their way down the path. Now, if the ball is in the air I am fine but on the ground my confidence is shot, plus I have been in a batting slump.

First play of the game, the old adage that "The ball finds the unprepared" came true as the first batter grounded it directly to me. I mean between my legs right to me. And I froze. I could not read the ball, thought it was to the short stop.

Well, now my confidence is even worse. But I am out there trying. And a couple batters later a shot down the line looked stoppable. I laid out for it. I had never played 3rd except for one inning in all my life. It was not a smart dive. The ball was outside my reach and I landed badly, driving all my weight onto my left shoulder.

A few years ago I weighed 220 and it would have been no big deal. Now I am about 265 and...how do I put this politely...the added figure is NOT from building up muscle...as can be seen from the profile pic. Anyhow, it instantly started to hurt a little bit. Well, as the game went on it got worse. Every (pathetic) swing of the bat tore it and the plays I did make were no help.

On the bright side, I had only 2 more legit chances in the entire game. One was a line drive I caught that drew a lot of oohs and ahs from both teams...ironically, I thought it was an easy play. The second was a ball I charged perfectly and threw on a hop to first...bad throw but it beat him. However, the ump called him safe. He later admitted he had blown the call...no big deal, really...it happens.

Anyhow, my arm killed me all week. Until Saturday I did not even shave, mostly because I could not lift my arm. It hurt all the time and made sleeping very difficult. At work I had to physically lift it up to the keyboard with my right arm. Pathetic. And all that is set-up for the How You Doin' game.

I wasn't going to go. My arm still hurt, though not nearly as bad, but I still can't lift it above about chest high. I left the video camera at home (I am working on a documentary project for the team) so there was no point to going...until JJ called and said I was the 5th guy. He did not know about my arm.

So one of my character flaws from the past rose up. Growing up I was hyper competitive. I did a lot of damage playing basketball on sprained ankles, stuff like that. And winning. Because I would push past the pain to do what needed to be done to win. And it wasn't just in athletics...long before I knew strategy guides existed I knew to start the game of Risk in Australia and/or South America. I could win Diplomacy starting with Turkey or Russia. I never lost a tournament game in chess, even at state. I was too competitive to let someone outwork me. And I loved to play.

I still love to play. So I sacked up and headed down to the game. Got there as the team was milling around waiting for 2 later players to make it. Asked JJ to "hide me" at the bottom of the batting order and in right center where very few balls are hit, planning not to even attempt to catch a ball, just to track down anything hit that way and heave the ball back in to make them hit it again. Yeah, I laughed when I read that line too. I know me too well. Yes, I can let myself lose a game now, unlike when I was growing up...but I still cannot not expend effort in an athletic competition.

While we were milling around waiting for the game to start one of my teammates made a friendly gesture of camaraderie...he tapped me on the shoulder. The pain was so intense it literally drove me to his knees. I know what you are thinking...he got smart and didn't play.


Hahahahahahahahhaa. Oh, you kid. Of course I played. I am that way.

Anyhow, we were the visitors. Batting 9th, I figured I would not hit for a couple of innings. Wrong. I came up with runners on 1st and 3rd, 1 out. I physically could not even swing the bat right handed so I was going to hit from the left side. My plan was to work the count...see if he could get 3 strikes over the plate or if I would walk.

The first pitch looked so awesome I could not help myself. I swung. At least I did not swing hard. It was a slow roller to the first baseman who got the force at second but I was safe at first. And the run scored. As did I. Big first inning.

No chances in the first couple innings in the field and I would lead off the third. Again, the plan was to NOT SWING. I should not have even taken a bat up there. First pitch was bad, ball one. 2nd pitch I could see was a strike and if feeling good I would have crushed it. Instead I followed the plan and DIDN'T SWING. Go me! Of course, on the very next pitch I undid all my good work by uncorking a mighty swing that Casey might have envied. I mean I really unwound and obliterated the ball. Well, okay, so obliterated might be a bit of hyperbole...I will say it was hit so hard that lots of things happened. First, I screamed in pain and bent over in the batters box. And still made it to first because I hit it so hard the first baseman could not handle it and even after connecting with him it skittered into the outfield. But it about crippled me.

And remember the adage that the ball finds the unprepared? Bottom half of the inning, the ball found me. Soft liner almost directly to me. Now, remember...I had promised myself I would not even attempt a catch, I would just recover and throw to the infield. Uh-huh. Any other lies, Mr. Weasel? I briefly considered bare handing it with my right hand but then gauged the arc...I could basket catch that sucker! So I did...I moved back and forth to where I caught it waist high and used both hands...fundamentally horrible, but very effective. Even after the game I was catching compliments on that one because they saw how I had to maneuver just to be physically capable of making the catch.

My next time up I swung 1 handed...and singled to right. I am 2 for 3 with no physical ability...and then came the long inning.

Two batters flew to right and our right fielder could not handle them. I was doing what I do, backing her up and held the runners to fewer bases. Then came a liner that, if I am feeling good, I probably catch. This time I wisely angle back to stop the ball and throw it back in. Then another one I would catch if I were right but I wait for the bounce and grab it with my bare hand...which wrenched my shoulder and caused beads of sweat to pop out on my forehead. Another ball my way...I was getting to the ball and getting it back in quickly but I was frustrated because those were easy catches if I could move and extend my arm. As it was, not one of them was catch able.

Anyhow, we finally got out of the inning. My next time up I saw where the third base girl was playing and knew she had just an average arm. The plan was a soft one handed swing...basically a legal bunt that would not even get to her it would be rolling so slow. I kept my left arm in tight, let my top hand roll off, nice, soft swing...and flew out to moderately deep left. Best ball I have hit in two weeks. Hilarious. Also probably the last ball I will ever hit unless something changes.

I am too easily injured nowadays, my skills have deteriorated, and I don't feel like I am helpful to my team when I play. Time to pack it in and what better time than after a 2-4 performance from the left side with every chance handled cleanly?

So I "retired" after the game.

A sad day for me. I love to play...I just am not in shape to anymore.